子どもが不登校になると、仕事を持っているお母さんの多くが、「子どもと一緒に過ごす時間を増やしたほうがいいのか？」「仕事をやめてもっと子どもと一緒にいた方がいいのか？」と考えるようになります。
ゆーくろっくの利用者のFさんもその一人でした。
中2になるFさんの息子さんは、中1のときにいじめにあい、中1の秋から不登校になりました。
心療内科で社会不安・対人恐怖症の診断を受け、現在も通院中です。ゆーくろっくでは指導員の訪問支援によって、人と話す練習をしたり、勉強を自分なりのペースで進めている段階です。
不登校の子どもがお母さんと一緒にいたがる
Fさんの息子さんは、いじめを受けた時のトラウマから、「自分はまわりから変に思われているのではないか」という気持ちが今も強く、外出すると心臓がどきどきしてしまいます。そのため、外出する時は必ずFさんと一緒で、そばを離れません。
このように息子さんがFさんと一緒にいたがる一方で、Fさんは母子家庭なので、平日は毎日夕方まで仕事に出ています。
「仕事を一旦やめて自分が一緒にいたほうが、安心感が増して回復が早いのか。」
「それとも生活を安定させるために、働き続けるべきか。」
「日中、子どもを家で一人にしておくのは良くないのではないか。」
このような悩みを日々抱えておられました。
お母さんが一番イキイキとできる選択肢を
確かに、子どもはお母さんがそばにいると安心するものです。
ただそれは、お母さんがイキイキとしている場合のみ当てはまります。
お母さんがストレスを抱えていれば、子どもは一緒にいるとむしろ不安定になります。
もし、現状において仕事がつらければ、辞めるか、別の仕事を探すべきです。
今仕事は楽しいものの、現状を踏まえると勤務量を減らすことであなたがより明るくなれるなら、そうすべきです。
仕事が楽しく、今の勤務量のまま続けることがあなたを明るくするなら、現状を維持すべきです。
大事なことは、どうすれば母親であるあなたが一番明るくいられるかです。
楽しい仕事は、あなただけでなくまわりにいる人も幸せにします。
不登校生が留守番中に孤独にならないための対策
もし、やっぱり働いていきたいと思われた場合は、日中に子どもが孤独感を感じないようにすることをすすめます。
Fさんは働くことは継続しつつ、毎日昼休みと帰る前に息子さんに電話を入れるようにしました。
今は各通信会社とも、同じ通信会社同士や家族の通話は無料だったりします。
あとは、時間をかけてもよいので、息子さんにとって良い”居場所”を探すことも大事でしょう。
フリースクール、適応教室、習い事・・・すべての留守番時間をカバーするのは難しいですが、完全に家で留守番しているよりもずっと息子さんの成長が変わってくるはずです。
Fさんの息子さんは、週に一度ゆーくろっくの指導員による訪問指導を利用されています。コミュニケーションの練習のため、月に一度のゆーくろっくのイベント(※)にも今後は参加予定です。
※ゆーくろっくでは月に一度、ボーリング大会、フットサル大会、大学キャンパス見学、クリスマス会などを開催しています。
最後に
働きながら子育てをするのは、時に不安や後ろめたさを感じるものですが、母親が子どもの成長に良い影響を与えるという調査結果は、多くの研究機関によって公表されています。（働く親が子どもの育成に与える良い影響とは）
我々もお母さんの勤務内容と子どもの年齢や状況を伺った上で個別にアドバイスしていますが、基本的には明るく働くお母さんでいてほしいと願っています。
あなたの明るい姿が、子どもが回復する上でとても重要な要素であることを忘れないでください。
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