不登校というと、ただ学校に行っていないだけでなく、昼までダラダラ寝て起きてからもゲームをしているといったような非常にネガティブなイメージが世の中にはあります。
しかし、実際に不登校生の支援をはじめて、それは間違いだと気づきました。むしろ、学校には行けなくても家ではいい子であるというケースをよく見かけます。
確かに、起きるのが遅かったり、ネットに夢中であったり、生活面にも何か問題を抱えていますが、「家事を頼むとやってくれる」、「弟妹の面倒を見る」、「祖父母の言うことは聞く」といった良いところもある場合が多いのです。
ただ、「家でどんなにいい子であっても、学校に行かなければ意味がない」と親は思ってしまうものです。
同じ親としてその想いはよくわかりますが、すぐに学校に戻らせようという焦りが回復の妨げになっているケースが多く、家の中でふるまいを起点に回復を目指す方がうまくいくのに感じることが多々あります。
よって、今日はお手伝いから始まる不登校の回復について説明したいと思います。
不登校期において家は心を休めることのできる場にすべき
不登校期では、学校に行かせようと働きかけるよりもまず、家が子どもにとって心が休まる場にすることに力を注ぐべきです。
家でゆっくり休んでいるのに、なぜ心が休まる場にしないといけないのかと思うかもしれませんが、子どもにとって平日の日中の家の中は、なかなか心の休まる場ではありません。
親やまわりだけでなく、自分自身の中にも、「平日の昼間の自分のいるべき場所は学校であって、家ではない」「日中の家の中に自分の居場所は本当はない」という気持ちが存在するものです。たとえ、休むことに慣れて表面上は楽しそうに過ごしていても、心の中のモヤモヤが晴れることはありません。
一方で、日中に出歩くのはなかなか難しく、不登校の子どもは家に居るしか選択肢がないのです。
そうした状況下では、心は決して休まりません。むしろ磨り減ってしまいます。
だから、家が心を休めることのできる場になるよう、工夫していかなければならないのです。
不登校期におけるお手伝いの意義
家が心の休まる場にするためには、家の中で何らかの役割を果たし、家を自分の居場所にすることが有効です。
人の生活には公私という言葉があります。子どもの生活にとって、「公」とは学校をはじめとする家庭以外の場であり、「私」が家の中や友だちづきあいを指します。
「公」の部分が実行できない本人に実行できることは、「私」の部分しかありません。
だから、まず「私」の部分を実行することで自己肯定感を取り戻してから、少しずつ「公」の部分を実行するというプロセスで回復を目指すべきなのです。
子どものお手伝いを親が認めてあげないと回復にはつながらない
ただ、いくら家で子どもがお手伝いをしても、親が「家でどんなにいい子でも、学校に行かなければ意味がない」と思っていては、本人にとって家が心の休まる場所にはなりません。自己肯定感も育たないでしょう。
何か子どもにお手伝いを習慣化させるとともに、お手伝いをしてくれたらきちんとほめてあげることが何よりも重要です。
学校に行っているという条件付きでなければ子どものことを認められない。
親がいつまでもそんな状態であれば、子どもは中々よくならないでしょう。
不登校を経て、有名大学や立派な企業に進んでいる人はたくさんいます。子どもが学校に行けないのは親として非常に苦しいとは思いますが、どうか認めてあげてもらえたらなと思います。
最後に
たとえ、不登校でなくても、思春期というのは大人になりつつある時期で、家の中での自分の位置づけに子どもは戸惑うものです。
だから、学校に行っているかどうかに関係なく、うまく子どもにお手伝いをさせるべきだと思いますし、不登校においてはそれが有効な回復の手立てになるでしょう。
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