先日、小学校5年生の娘さんが不登校になったLさんからこんな相談がありました。
「がんばろうとしてもがんばろうとしても何もやる気が出ない。どうしたらやる気が出るの？と娘に聞かれて何も答えられませんでした。どのようにすればよろしいでしょうか？」
子どものモチベーションの源泉は、親の愛情に基づく自分自身への自信だと言われています。
ある小児科病院の研究によると、ベッドに寝かしつけたままの赤ちゃんより、1日に数回抱き上げたり、なでたり、さすったりしてあげた赤ちゃんのほうが、ずっと早く回復するというのです。
スキンシップは、親が子どもに愛情を伝え、子どもの自信を育み、やる気を引き出すのに非常に良い方法なのです。
ただ、欧米ならいざ知らず日本のコミュニケーション文化において、子どもがある一定以上の年齢になるとスキンシップするのも何か変だというのも事実です。そこで今日は「やる気を引き出す声かけ」の３つのポイントについてご説明したいと思います。
結果ではなくプロセスをほめよう
「お子さんが不登校から立ち直るためにはいっぱい褒めて自信を取り戻させてあげることが大事ですよ」というと、多くのお母さんが、「うちの子は何をやってもうまくいかないし、失敗が多いから、褒めにくい」と言われることがあります。
結果がよかったときは、もちろんほめてあげてください。
でも、結果が悪かったとしても、「よくがんばったね」とほめてあげてください。
ここでよくある問題が、どのお母さんも部活やほかの事だとがんばったという”プロセス”をほめてあげられるのに、”登校”や”勉強”になると、まず”結果”にばかり目がいってしまうのです。
それは、「学校に行くのは当たり前だから」「勉強は努力すればできるものだから」と思っているからです。
でも、人は状況や環境次第では、当たり前のことも非常に難しくなります。
勉強には、得意不得意や向き不向きは確実にあります。
だから、もし結果が悪かったとしても、「おつかれさま。結果は出なかったけど、がんばっててすごいと思ったよ。」とほめてあげてください。
他の子どもとの比べるのではなく、昨日までの我が子との比べてみよう
ほかの子と比べて良いところを褒めてあげるのもももちろん大事ですが、昨日までの我が子と比べてどう変わったか、同成長したかを見てあげてください。
たとえば、不登校で学校をずっと休んでいた子どもが、学校に行こうとしたものの途中で帰ってきたり、学校に行かずに別のところに行ったとします。ほかの子と比べると学校に行けていないという点で良くないように見えますが、昨日までの我が子と比べると、学校に行けていなかったのに途中まで行けるようになったのです。
人は成長するスピードも、壁にぶつかるタイミングも、得意不得意も人それぞれです。
学校を休んでいた子どもが途中まででも行けたのならば、「昨日まで行けなかったのに、途中まで行けたね。えらいよ。」とほめてあげてください。
失敗した時こそ可能性を示してあげる
不登校のR君は、学校外のサッカークラブに通っていたのですがレギュラーになることはできず、落ち込んで帰ってくることもしばしばで、「僕サッカー下手だもん」と家族にも話していました。
しかし、あるときを区切りにRくんが再びサッカーの練習にとても楽しそうに向かうようになったのです。
そのきっかけは、コーチに「試合にでたいという気持ちを持っているのはいいこと。次回に向けて努力してチャレンジすれば、Rはサッカーがうまいから絶対大丈夫」と言われたことでした。
コーチの声かけは、「レギュラーになれなかったのは、僕がサッカーが下手だから」と自信を失っていたR君に、「いっぱい練習すれば、試合にでれる！」という希望を与えたのです。
たとえ結果がダメたったとしても、努力をすればできると思えたら、それはきっとやる気につながります。
最後に
同学年のほかの子と同じように学校に行ったり、勉強できなくなると、どうしても焦ってしまいます。
学校に行かせなきゃ、勉強させなきゃと思うのは、無理もありません。
でもそのためには、元気になること、自信を取り戻すことが必要不可欠なのです。
だからこそ、結果に関係なく子どものがんばりを褒めること、昨日よりもできるようになったことを褒めること、がんばればきっとできると伝えることを、明るく続けていきましょう。
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