不登校,ブログ,対処法,解決策,ノウハウ,知識不登校,ブログ,対処法,解決策,ノウハウ,知識

不登校になった時に転校すべきかどうか

子どもを転校させるべきかどうか。


不登校という問題に直面した時、どの親御さんも考えることであり、ゆーくろっくの相談者からもよく質問されることの一つです。


転校するかしないかは、お子さんに聞くことが一番大事です。

どうするのが良いと思うのか、どうしたいのかを聞き、お子さんに自分で決めさせるのです。

不安や心配をぐっとこらえて、自分の子どもを信用しよう

お子さんが不登校になると、親御さまとお子さんのコミュニケーションがうまくいかなかったり、親御さまがお子さまを信用できなくなることがあります。


「うちの子は精神的に幼くて・・・」

「コミュニケーションがうまくなくて・・・」

「何を考えているのかわからなくて・・・」


わが子がほかの子どもと同じように学校に行けなくなると、親御さまはどうしてもお子さんを信用しきれず、我々にこのように話されることがあります。


子どもが正しい答えを選べるはずがない。


その想いはわかりますが、転校してもしなくても、選んだ道でがんばるのはお子さん本人です。


がんばるためには、「自分で決める」というプロセスが必要なのです。

親が決めたら、壁にぶつかった時に、親のせいにしてがんばれなくなります。


子どもが関係する大事なことは、子どもに意見を求めてください。

不登校の子どもが自分で決められるようにすることが大事

ただし、子どもは十分な情報を持っているわけではありません。

だから、色々な情報を集めて選択肢を示してあげること、それぞれの選択肢について一緒に調べることが大事です。


「こんな学校があるよ」

「こんなところで勉強する道もあるよ」

「不登校経験者でこんな人がいるよ」


というように選択肢を示してあげたり、実際に転校の候補の学校に見学に行ったり、フリースクールの先生に話を聞きに行ったりすると、子どもも考えやすくなります。


もちろんその時に親としての考えや気持ちも伝えてください。

その上で、「あなたが自分にとって一番良いと思う方法を選んでいいんだよ」と言ってあげるのです。


お子さんが勇気をもって決断したら、いろいろ言いたい気持ちをぐっとこらえて、しっかり応援してください。

最後に

繰り返しになりますが、転校に限らず子どもに関係することは、子どもにも意見を求めてください。


「子どもにわかるはずがない」「子どもには難しくて理解できないだろう」と言う方がいらっしゃいますが、それは説明の仕方が悪いか、それ以前に親子間のコミュニケーションが元々成り立っていないかの、どちらかです。


たとえば、息子を毎朝起こした方がいいかどうか悩んでいる時は、こんな風に説明します。


「身長が大きくなるため、健康のためには、夜10時から2時までの4時間の間に眠っていることが大事なんだって。この時間に眠っていると、成長ホルモンがたくさん出て、元気になるんだって。お母さんは、○○に元気でいてほしいから、夜10時半には布団に入ってほしい。そのためには朝7時には起きないと、夜に寝つけないと思う。○○は自分で起きられる?それともお母さんが起こした方がいいかな?」


このような説明を心がければ、子どもは自分にとって一番いい判断をくだします。

ただし、この方法は普段からコミュニケーションがとれていることが前提です。


うまくとれていない場合は、コミュニケーションの基礎作りからはじめてください。

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