これは、中学に入って不登校になったある男の子（K君）とお母さんの話です。
K君はスポーツが大好きで元気に学校に通う男の子でした。中学に入学してからはサッカー部に入り、毎日暗くなるまで練習して帰ってくると、モグモグとたくさんごはんを食べる － 不登校とはとても縁遠いような男の子でした。
それが、10月になると「頭が痛い」「おなかが痛い」といった理由で月に2回くらい休むようになり、冬休みが始まると学校に行かなくなりました。お母さんが問い詰めると布団にもぐり、布団をはがそうとしても抵抗して絶対に出てこなくなったのです。
学校に行けない理由がわからない
なぜK君が学校に行けないのか、お母さんにはわかりませんでした。
病院へ連れていこうとすると頑として拒否する、見たところ体調は悪くなさそうで食欲も大丈夫、担任の先生に相談しても学校で特にトラブルはなかった様子、昔からの幼なじみの友だちに聞いてもいじめなどの問題もない・・・不登校の原因は見つかりませんでした。
ケンカが増え、家族バラバラになっていく
最初は穏やかだった旦那さんも3月頃には、「いいかげんにしろ！いつまで休むつもりだ！！」り怒鳴り出す始末。夫婦間のケンカも増え、家庭の空気は悪くなり、旦那さんの帰宅はどんどん遅くなっていきました。
お母さんは暗い気持ちの日々が続き、K君に「お願いだから学校へ行って！Kのせいで家の空気が悪くなってしまった！！」と言ってしまい、K君が黙って部屋に閉じこもることもあったそうです。
子どもの不登校を解決したお母さんの3つの取り組み
そのような状況の中、ゆーくろっくに相談してくださったお母さんに、我々は2つのアドバイスをさせて頂きました。
■家族の記録を読み返し、子どもと共有したできごとを思い出す
Kくんのお母さんは、Kくんを妊娠してから妹さんが生まれるまで日記をつけていたということだったので、その日記を読み返してもらいました。また、アルバムも開いてもらいました。
結婚当初は自分の話を一生懸命に聞いてくれた旦那さんのこと、Kくんが生まれた時のこと、家族4人で初めて旅行に行ったときのこと、昔は嫌いだったにんじんをいつの間にか食べられるようになったこと・・・しまいこんでいた日記とアルバムを読むと、さまざまな記憶がよみがえってきました。
■毎日少しずつ昔の思い出話を家族で話してみる
食事は一緒にしていたもののK君との会話が途絶えていたので、最初は半分独り言のような感じで話してもらったり、旦那さんに思い出話をすることで横にいるK君に聞いてもらうようにしました。
返事がなくても気にせずに、思い出を振り返ることを自分自身が楽しむことを意識してもらいました。
■しばらくするとK君の態度が少しずつ変わった
幼い頃からのK君の成長の話や思い出話を続けて２週間がたった頃、夕食を終えたK君が半年ぶりに「ごちそうさま」と言いました。
その日からK君は、お母さんの話に一言、二言、答えてくれるようになりました。
そして２ヶ月が過ぎた頃の朝、K君は何事もないような素振りで制服に着替え、黙々と朝食をすませ、小さな声で「行ってきます」と言って学校に出かけて行きました。
不登校の原因は何だったのか
K君がなぜ学校に行けないのか、原因は最後までわかりませんでした。というのも最初は、３年生が引退して部活の雰囲気が変わり、部活に行きたくなくなったのが学校を休むきっかけだったのですが、休むにつれて行きづらくなる要因が増えていき、最後は原因をひとつに特定できなくなったのです。
だから、K君にとって必要なのは、不登校の原因を突き止めて解決することではなく、自分への自信や学校に行く目的といった、学校に行くための心のエネルギーでした。
最後に
原因を見つけて取り除くことが不可欠な場合もあります。いじめによる不登校がその最たる場合です。
でも、原因がどうであれ、不登校から前に進むために親の愛情というエネルギーは必ず必要です。親から得られる愛情は、子どもにとっての何よりの安心と自信の源だからです。
しかし、我が子が不登校になると、愛しているがゆえに心配から苛立ってしまい、子どもを傷つけてしまうことがあります。
だからこそ、もう一度昔の日記や写真を見て、生まれた頃の気持ちを思い出し、家族で改めて幼い頃からの成長ぶりや思い出について自然に話をすることで、お子さんに毎日愛情を伝えてください。
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