子どもが不登校で家にいる姿を見ると、どうしても「学校に行きなさい」と言いたくなります。
でも、絶対に「学校に行きなさい」と言ってはいけません。
自分に置きかえて、少し考えてみてください。
あなたなら、できないことを「やれ」と言われてやる気になるでしょうか？
40度の熱が出て死ぬほどつらい時に、旦那さんから「早くごはんつくれ」と言われたら、どんな気持ちになりますか？
きっと「私は愛されていないんだ・・・」と思うでしょう。そしてますます元気をなくすでしょう。
不登校生には「学校へ行かなくてもいい」と言ってもいけない
じゃあ、「学校へ行かなくてもいい」と言うべきかというと。そうでもありません。
子どもは自分の都合のいいように、誤った解釈をすることがあります。
「学校へ行かなくてもいい」と言うと「学校は別に行く必要ないから行かなくてもいいんだ」と捉えてしまうことがあります。
先輩が「勉強したのは中3からで、中2までは勉強していなかった」と言うのを聞くと、本当にそれを真似するのと同じです。
では、どうすればよいのでしょうか？
不登校生が学校に行けるようになるために大事な二つ
■子どもの意思を尊重することを伝える
大事なことは、学校に行けない時も、学校に行きたいと思い始めた時も、常に子どもの気持ちも味方でいてあげる事です。
だから、「学校に行かなくてもいい」というのではなく「自分で決めなさい」と伝えてあげてください。
「自分で考えて自分で決めなさい」
「お母さんはいつでもあなたの見方だから」
「行きたくない時はその気持ちを尊重するし、行きたいと思った時は応援するからね」
嘘はいけません。子どもは親の嘘を見抜きます。
本当に心の底からこう言ってもらえたら、親の愛情が心の支えとなっていれば、来るべき日に勇気を出せるはずです。
■元気になってもらう
当たり前ですが、大人が仕事に行くためには元気が必要なように、子どもが学校に行くためには元気が必要です。
特に不登校になった子どもは、何かしらのストレスを感じて行けなくなったので、たくさん元気が必要です。
つい、親はまず学校に行ってもらおうとするのですが、“元気になる→学校に行く”という順序であることを忘れてはいけません。
Kさんのお話
中1の娘さんの不登校が続いているKさんも、子どもの不登校に悩む一人でした。
きっかけは、クラスの女子全員で一人の子をいじめるのを娘さんが拒否したことでした。
それ以来シカトされるようになったり、容姿の気にしている部分をバカにされるようになったのです。
その後転校もして、不登校の原因になったいじめは取り除かれたのですが、イジメられた時にバカにされた容姿が気に病み、学校に行くことはおろか外出することも難しくなりました。
ただ、娘さんは家の中では元気なので、Kさんはいらいらするようになり、ゆーくろっくに相談しました。
我々は「お子さんに気持ちを尊重すると伝えること」「元気になってもらうこと」「容姿を褒めて持ってもらうこと」をKさんに繰り返しアドバイスし続けました。
ここでKさんがすごかったのは、娘さんをディズニーランドに連れて行ったり、一緒に旅行やライブに行ったりと、娘さんと遊びつくして楽しんだことでした。学校に行かなくなると、外で遊んだり楽しんではいけないと親子ともにどうしても思い込んでしまうのですが、Kさんは娘さんの手を引いてその壁を取っ払い、とことん一緒に楽しみました。
そしてとにかく娘さんの容姿のいろんな部分を毎日ほめるようにしたのです。
本人が否定しても、「私は好きよ」ととにかく褒め続けました。
最後に
Kさんの娘さんは中1から不登校になりましたが、中3から少しずつ学校に行けるようになりました。
今不登校になっているあなたのお子さんは元気にしていますか？笑っていますか？
そして親であるあなた自身も笑っていますか？
不登校だからと言って、毎日を楽しんではいけないと思ってはいけません。
不登校だかららこそ、学校に行く元気を養うため、いっぱい楽しまないといけないのです。
いつでも子どもの味方でいること、不登校の時こそ一緒にいっぱい遊ぶことを、忘れないでください。
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