普段は忘れがちですが、同じ人とずっと仲の良い関係を続けることは案外難しいものです。
ケンカをする。同じ異性を好きになる。部活で片方だけが活躍する。
日々少しずついろんなことが起こり、状況が変化する中で、時にすれ違ったりぶつかったりする日も訪れます。
小学生、中学生、高校生の間で特に多いのが、ある日突然仲間にされるケースです。
前日まで仲良くしていたのに、急に仲良しグループから外されてしまった。
そんな状況に陥り、目の前が真っ暗になる時があります。
とりあえず数日距離を置こう
悪口を言ったと勘違いされた、秘密をばらされてた勘違いされた、という時はちゃんと相手に説明したくなります。
なぜ嫌われたのかわからない時は、誰だって理由を聞きたくなります。
でも、気持ちが高ぶっている時は、人は何を言っても耳に入りません。
だから、まずは相手の気持ちが落ち着くまで、数日あいだを置くようにしてください。
とりあえず謝ってみよう
相手の気持ちが落ち着いて関係が元通りになることもありますが、気持ちが落ち着いたとはいえ関係が良くない状況に変わりはないという場合がほとんだと思います。
相手の気持ちが落ち着いたら、まずはとりあえず「ごめん」と謝っておきましょう。
自分悪くない時に謝るのは気が進みません。
でも相手から見たら自分にも非があったのかもしれないですし、まず謝らないと話が始まらない時も多いでしょう。
謝って相手の気がすむなら、お安い御用ですよね。
謝ってもだめならあきらめよう
謝ったけど許してもらえない時は「ダメだったかーどうしようもないな・・・」と思ってあきらめましょう。
世の中は自分の思い通りにならないですし、他人の気持ちを自分の思うようにすることはできません。
人は、自分にできる事をやって結果を受け入れることしかできないのです。
つらいですが、「ごめんね。できればまた、仲良くしたい」と伝えても、ダメなら一度あきらめましょう。
一度謝ってもだめなら、ここからどんなにがんばってもうまくいきません。
元のグループの人たちは、「あの子には、ウチらしか行くところはないだろう」と思っています。そうなると家来がなんでも言う事を聞く王様のような気分になり、逆に悪口を言ったりひどい扱いをしてくるのです。
何をしても大丈夫と思っている相手は、追いかければ追いかけるほど離れていく。
それが人間というものなのです。
クラスに役に立つことをして、ほかのグループに入ろう。
仲良しグループから仲間外れになると、誰もが不安になります。
ひどい場合は、そのグループの子たちがまわりにあなたの悪口を言い、学校にいづらくなることもあるかもしれません。
その悪口を聞いて、同じようにあなたの悪口を言う人もなかにはいるでしょう。
でも、それまでのあなたを見ていて、その悪口だけであなたを判断しない人もいるはずです。
たとえ仲良しだった子たちに仲間外れにされてもあいさつぐらいはしておき、クラスのみんなに役立つことをしていれば、きっと新しい友達ができるはずです。
誰もやりたがらない委員、人気のない運動会の種目、めんどくさい仕事、何か困っている友だちの手助け。
勇気を出して手を挙げ、そんなことに取り組んでいれば、きっとあなたのことを正しく理解して声をかけてくれる人が現れるはずです。
最後に
有名な生物学者の村上和雄先生は、「人は必要な時に必要とする人と出会うようになっている」と言っています。
一度は仲間はずれにしてきた友だちも、機会があればいつかもう一度必ず仲良くなれるはずです。
その時は、「前は悪かったねーごめんねー」と気軽に言い、もう一度仲良くなるきっかけを作ってあげましょう。
人生は出会いと別れの繰り返しです。
友だちと仲たがいをしても、必ず次の友だちが見つかったり仲直りできたりするはずです。
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