子どもが不登校になると、「家庭の雰囲気が良くなかったからでは？」と反省する親御さんが多いようです。
実際、家庭不和や夫婦の不仲が不登校につながることはあります。
子どものために、夫婦が円満でなくてはいけないということは、誰しもわかっているでしょう。
それでも、「わかっていてもどうしてもダメで、どうしたらいいですか？」という相談を受けることがあります。
お子さんの心配はとても大切ですが、まず大事なのはお母さん自身の幸せです。
なぜなら、幸せでない人はほかの誰かを幸せにはできないからです。
お子さんのために、お母さんが先に幸せになる必要があるのです。
お母さんの夫婦関係に対する感じ方は、子どもに伝わる
お母さんがお父さんとの関係に幸せを感じていないと、子どもにも必ず伝わります。
息子さんが不登校から回復したEさんも、ご主人との関係性がよくなかった時期がありました。
Eさんは43歳の専業主婦で、義父母と一緒に暮らしながらご主人への不満を抱え続けてきたのですが、息子さんが中学2年生の時に不登校になったのをきっかけに、自分自身も体調を崩してしまいました。ご主人は元々は家のことに協力的ではなかったそうですが、Eさんが体調を崩してからは、仕事以外のすべての時間を家事に注ぐようになりました。
家のことができない自分を責めもせず、頼みごとをこなしてくれるご主人を見て、Eさんは「この人の不満を言うのはもうやめよう」と思ったそうです。
そして息子さんが高校生になってから聞かされます。
息子さんが中学時代に不登校になったのは、お母さんからお父さんの愚痴を長年聞かされてストレスがたまったからだと。
ご主人との関係についてお母さんが明るくなればなるほど、子どもは元気になれるのです。
お母さんが笑っているかどうかを子どもは見ている
子どもはお母さんが笑っているかどうかをちゃんと見います。
Kさんは二人の娘さんが小学生の時に旦那さんと離婚し、上の娘さんが中学生の時に今の旦那さんと再婚しました。
再婚当初、思春期だった上の娘さんはKさんに対する反抗が激しくなり、学校も休みがちになりました。
勉強が遅れないようにとのことでゆーくろっくの指導員による訪問支援を利用されていましたが、時間がたつにつれて新しいお父さんと打ち解け、半年後には元通り学校に行けるようになりました。
なぜお父さんと打ち解けたのかを聞くと、「再婚してからお母さんが前よりもよく笑うようになったから」とのことでした。
たしかに新しいお父さんが来たことに抵抗を強く感じる部分はあったのでしょう。
でも、お母さんが前よりも明るくなった姿から、娘さんはきっと多くのものを得ていたのです。
最後に
夫婦関係の悪化とともに子どもが不登校なっていく問題について、どうすればいいのか正解はありません。
ただ、あなたの精神状態が子どもの状態にリンクしているのはまぎれもない事実です。
どうすればあなたが幸せになるのか？
どういう選択をすれば幸せでいられるのか？
子どもと向き合いながら、じっくり考えて決めてください。
一度決めたら、その方向で精一杯幸せになってください。
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