子どもに自分の気持ちをわかってほしい。親としての想いを考えてほしい。
親ならば、誰だって一度はこんなことを思うはずです。
まして、わが子が不登校や引きこもりになっているのであれば、
「私がこんなに悩んでいるのに、どうしてこの子はわかってくれないの！」
「こんなに真剣に何度も言っているのに、どうして行動してくれないの！」
学校に行かない、勉強しない、部屋から出ない、ゲームばかりしている・・・そんなお子さんにいらだちも次第に募るはずです。
しかし、自分の胸に手を当てて考えてみてください。
そういうあなたは、お子さんの気持ちを本当に理解していますか？
相手の気持ちを理解する前に、自分の想いだけを理解してもらおうとしていませんか？
これは小学校５年生の息子さんが学校を休みがちだったBさんの話です。
子どもに対して先に主張してはいけない
食卓につかない息子に怒ったお父さん
Bさんには２人の息子さんがいました。学校を休みがちになったのは弟さんのほうです。
Bさんの息子さんは傷つきやすい性格だったのですが、学校の勉強にだんだんついていけなくなり、テストの点を友だちにバカにされたことをすごく気にしていました。そこで勉強が嫌になって休みがちになったところを、ゆーくろっくのメンターがサポートしていました。
ある日夕食の時間、みんなが食卓についても彼は自分の部屋から出てきませんでした。
すると、お父さんは子ども部屋に向かい、空腹もあって怒って部屋に入りました。
「なにやってるんだ！みんな待ってるんだぞ！！ご飯が冷めるだろ！」
彼は何も答えず、ただノートの上に涙を流していました。
息子さんは宿題に行き詰まっていた
彼が食卓につかなかった理由は、宿題が全然わからなくて混乱していたからでした。
その後、ゆーくろっくのメンターがいつものように訪問し、宿題を一緒にやって解決しました。このお話を聞いたのは指導後に親御さんとお話した時です
お父さんは、自分の主張を理解させようとしてつい怒りをぶつけてしまったと、とても反省されていました。
息子さんは自分の心を守るために、その後お父さんから目も耳も心も背けるようになりました。
もし、お父さんが「どうした？宿題がわからなくてもあとで見てあげるから心配するな！一緒にごはん食べよう！」と言えていたら、きっと息子さんの心は違っていたでしょう。
今は大人も理解されたがっている
今の世の中では、親である私たち自身が、時間に追われて心のゆとりを失っています。
社会全体が自分の主張をする人ばかりになり、相手をじっくり理解しようというゆとりを持てずにいます。
もしかしたら、あなたもそうではないですか？
でも、理解してもらうためには「理解されたい！」という想いをおさえ、相手を理解することから始めなければなりません。
最後に
自分の言いたいことをがまんして相手の話を聴くのは、とても根気がいります。
しかし、その努力が継続されてはじめて人は相手から信頼され、理解してもらえるようになるのです。
ただ、親御さんだって人間です。自身の心に不満やさみしさ、怒りや恐れがどうしてもあふれてきて、落ち着いて子どもの話を聴くことができないときもあるかもしれません。
そんなときは、ゆーくろっくに相談して心にたまった想いを吐き出してください。
親が不満や怒りをためこんで暗い顔をしていては、お子さんは気持ちを打ち明けられるはずもありません。
あなたが心をからっぽにすれば、お子さんも話しやすいはずです。
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