大人はよく「子どもが何を考えているかわからない」よく言います。
問題のある子どもへの”心の闇”という表現も当たり前になっています。
実際、不登校でお悩みの親御さまからのご相談を受ける中で多くの方が「子どもが、何を考えていてどうしたいと思っているのかが、わからない」というお悩みをよくお聞きします。
不登校の子どもの気持ちを、我々大人はどのように理解したらよいのでしょうか？
ドラマ「光とともに」より
2004年に放送され、篠原涼子さんが主演を務められたドラマ「光とともに」というドラマはご存知でしょうか？
これは自閉症の子をもった母親が主人公のドラマです。
ドラマの中にこんなストーリーがありました。
― 引っ越すために乗っていた新幹線のなかで、向かいに座った女性から、銀紙に包まれたおにぎりをもらったわが子。ところが、彼はおにぎりを落とし、包んであった銀紙を窓にかざして喜んでいた。
タクシーに乗っていたら、急に騒ぎ出した彼。しかたなく降りたら、ビルの屋上の給水塔にのぼり、銀色のアドバルーンに手を伸ばした。
引越して新居での生活が始まると、なぜか引き出しをあけたりテーブルの上をのぞいたりして、手当たり次第に物を落とす彼。おかげで家中散らかり放題。そんなある日、布袋に入っていた銀紙（もらったおにぎりを包んでいたもの）を見つけた彼は、再びそれを窓にかざして悦に入っていた。
そう、彼は、キラキラ光るものが大好きだったのだ！ －
公共広告機構のCMより
これと似たようなストーリーが、公共広告機構のCMにもありました。
－ 小学校の図工の授業中、ひとりの男の子が一心不乱に画用紙を黒く塗りつぶしている。帰宅しても続けるわが子の異様な雰囲気から親が心配になり、病院へ連れていく。病院のプレイルームでも、彼は次々に黒く塗りつぶしていく。
しばらくして、医師や看護婦や親が見たもの、それは床一面に敷かれた何十枚もの画用紙によって描かれた、大きな鯨の絵だった。
そう、彼は、鯨の黒い部分を描いていただけなのだった！ －
不登校と二つのストーリーに共通する問題
ご紹介した二つの話に共通するのは、「大人とうまくコミュニケーションをとれない子どもは、自分の目的に向かって何らかの行動し続け、まわりには後になってからその理由がわかる」というプロセスです。
このようなプロセスは、不登校の子どもにも共通しています。
つまり、本人が原因や理由を話さないまま、あるいは取るに足らないような原因・理由しか話さないまま、「朝はしんどそうなのに、夕方になると笑いながらTVを見ている」「部屋にこもって一日中ゲームをしている」といった親には理解できない生活を続けます。
例に挙げた二つのストーリーと違い、不登校は本人も原因や理由がわからない時や、複数の原因が重なっていて自分でもうまく説明できない時があるので、ある意味ではもっと状況が難しくなります。
そして、「この子はずっとこのままでは」と親が心配になって学校になんとか行かせようとすると、徒労に終わってしまい、ますます状況が悪化してしまうのです。
ただ、不登校が終わると、本人たちは何事もなかったかのように元気になります。
親が拍子抜けしてしまうことがしばしばで、後から「なんだ、そうだったのか」と理由がわかって納得するケースもあるのです。
最後に
子どもは、親が思っている以上に、自分の世界・自分の人生を生きています。
不登校は、子どもの行動の“途中経過”なのだと捉えてみてください。
画用紙を黒く塗りつぶしている段階でやめさせたら、その子がなぜそんなことをしていたのかが分からなかったように、“途中経過”の段階で、「どうかしている」「わからない」と思って対応する限り、子どもを理解することはできないでしょう。
干渉したい気持ちをぐっとこらえて、「子どもの気持ちが見えてくるまで見続けてみよう」と思い直すことができれば、きっと子どもの気持ちに近づくことができると思います。
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