今日は、先生や友だちがらみの理由で不登校になった子どもへの対応を説明します。
先生や友だちと会うこと、彼らの目、評価に苦痛を感じるというのは、不登校の理由で最も多いものです。
「体育や音楽の実技発表で、人前に出て見られるのがイヤだ」
「テストで先生にネガティブな評価をされるのがイヤだ」
「いじめられるのがつらい」
「教室に入るときに見られるのがこわい」
などのように、「対人場面」、「評価」、「人の目」を恐れて学校に行けなくなってしまうのです。
我々が取り入れている不登校の認知行動療法においては、以下のような対応を実施します。
対応ステップ① どんな時に不安を感じるのかを明確にする
まずは、子どもがどんな時に不安を感じているのかをゆっくり聞いてあげてください。
何を見ると不安を感じ出すのか、どんな場面に出くわすと嫌な気持ちになるのか。
自分が何に不安を感じるかを説明することで頭の中が整理されますし、親に不安を受け止めてもらえることは何よりの子どもの心の拠り所であり安心材料となります。
対応ステップ② 不安なときにどう考えてしまうのかを聞く
これがとても大事です。不安感じた瞬間やその場面で、どういう風に考えてしまうのかを聞いてください。
世の中には、ある状況に対してネガティブに考える人もいれば、ポジティブに考える人もいます。
何事も考え方次第なので、不安を解決するためには、不安を感じた時にどう考えているかを知るのはとても大事なのです。
話しやすいように、優しくゆっくり聞いてあげてください。
不安な時の考えについて話すということは、心は穏やかではなく、うまく説明するのが難しいはずです。
対応ステップ③ 楽な考え方を身につける
まず頭で理解して納得し、それから体を慣らしていくことが、物事の習得の近道です。
ここで重要なのは、楽な考え方やポジティブな考え方に「納得する」ということです。
例えば、テストを受けたがらない中学生に、「●●には勉強以外に良いところがあるから大丈夫だよ」とか「長い人生の中でたった一回のテストをそこまで気に病む必要はない」と言っても、頭では理解できても中々納得できないでしょう。
だから、問題の深刻度を冷静に一緒に確かめてあげて、その上で楽な考え方を伝えることが大事です。
＜不安の深刻度を確かめる質問例＞
・赤点になるからテストを受けたくない
⇒過去に赤点をとった時にそんなに大変な目にあったのか？
・体育でみんなに笑われるからいやだ
⇒ほかにできない子はいないのか？その子たちは笑われているか？
・みんな私のことが嫌いで見てくる⇒
⇒全員に好かれている人ってどれだけいる？●●ちゃんとは話したりするよね？
＜楽な考え方へ導く問いかけの例＞
・これが起きるのは100%確実？
・あの人が自分についてどう思っているか本当にわかる？
・本当に起こりうることの中で最悪なことは何？
・前にも同じ場面になったことはない？その時は最悪だった？
・実際にその恐ろしいことが起きたのは何回？
・それが起きたら後にまでずっと嫌な思いをし続ける？それとも一時的？
対応ステップ④ 家でロールプレイングを行う
考え方を少しずつ楽にできたら、次は家で実際にその場面を想定して練習し、慣れていく事が有効です。
教室に入った時にチラッと横目で見られるのが嫌なら、家族が横目で見る役になるのです。
ヒソヒソと話されるのが苦手なのであれば、家族がそうしてあげるのです。
音楽の実技場面、赤点で先生に呼び出された時の場面なども同様です。
その場面を模擬的に演出してもよいですし、8時-21時という風に時間を決めて所定の態度をとり続けてもよいです。
対応ステップ⑤ 別の似たような環境にチャレンジする
実際に外で同様の状況にチャレンジできる場所があれば、ぜひ行くことをおススメします。
人前でスポーツをするのが苦手なら、スポーツイベントに出てみる。
音楽の実技テストが苦手なら、半年だけ音楽教室に通ってみる。
コミュニケーションが苦手なら、サマースクールや何かのイベントに行ってみる。
ゆーくろっくでも、外国の子どもとのSkype会、キャンパス見学、ボーリング大会などを毎月行っています。
興味ある方は、ぜひinfo@youclock.jpにご連絡ください。
最後に
本来であれば専門のカウンセラーと取り組むべき難しい内容ですが、専門の治療に近いことは誰でもできます。
ゆーくろっくの学生指導員による訪問支援でも、積極的に取り入れています。
お子さんをどんどんほめてあげながら、ぜひ取り組んでみてください。
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