今日は、学校に行くよりも休んだほうが楽しいがために不登校になる子どもへの対応をご説明します。
学校に行くよりも休んだほうが楽しいから不登校になる子どもは、以下のような行動をとります。
・学校に行ったふりをし、欠席を隠す
・友だちと非常に長い時間遊ぶ
・親や先生に反抗的な態度を取る
・夜ふかしをする、朝なかなか起きない
・不登校だけど元気
この原因の特徴は、最初に不登校のキッカケになる場合もありますが、元々はほかの理由で不登校になったが、休んでみるとそのほうが楽しいことを知り、ますます不登校になるという場合もあるということです。
したがって、二つ目の原因として浮かび上がってくることが多いです。
今日はそういったお子さんとどのように話し合い、約束し、問題を解決するのかをご紹介します。
対応ステップ① まず話し合う時間と場所を決める
学校に行くよりも休んだほうが楽しいお子さんと問題を解決していくには、まず話し合う場所と時間を決めてください。
お互いにゆとりがある時間、何か気をそらされるようなものがない時間と場所を選ぶようにしてください。
場所は家になると思いますが、習い事や塾の送迎で車を停車して車中で話すのも良いですし、飲食店でもかまいません。
こういったお子さんは楽な方に流れることが身についているので、“きちんと話し合わざるをえない環境”が必要です。
親子関係の状況的に話し合うのが難しい状況であれば、以下の記事を参考にしながら、まずは話し合いができる状況までもっていけるよう努力してください。
対応ステップ② 解決する問題を決める
話し合いの場を設けることができたら、解決する問題を決めましょう。
ここで重要なのは、少なくとも1回は、単純なレベルの問題を選ぶことです。
・親に所在を連絡しなかった
・ごみ捨てをしなかった
・23時半以降も起きていた。
などのような問題を、解決する対象として最初は選ぶべきです。
なぜなら、まずは、「約束を守る」「心や生活を整える」こと自体を定着させることが目的だからです。
解決できない問題、長期にわたっている問題、複雑な問題は、選ばないように留意してください。
対応ステップ③ 解決策を話し合い、契約書を作成する
子どもの主体性を引き出すには、子どもの考えを引き出し、決めるプロセスに参加しておらうことが必要です。
1. 解決案を一緒に5個～10個考える
実際に問題の解決案について話し合い、決めるときには、親子で案を出し合って5~10の解決案を出しましょう。
「ごみ捨てに行くためのお手伝いさんを雇う」「飼っている犬にごみ捨てを覚えさせる」といったユーモアのあるものも含めて良いです。最初は親が案を出し、子どもにもなんとか案を出してもらえるようにしてください。
2. 最も望ましい解決案を一緒に選ぶ
解決案を出したら、どれが最も望ましい案であるかランク付けしていってください。
「現実的か」「具体的か」「みんなに受けいられるか」といったことを考慮して望ましい順をつけてください。
3. ごほうびとペナルティを設定する
解決案をきめたら、実行した時のごほうびと、実行しなかった時のペナルティを決めましょう。
簡単なごほうびとペナルティは以下のようなものが有効です。
・門限の時間を遅らせる、早める
・友だちと遊ぶ時間を増やす、減らす
・家事の手伝いを減らす、増やす
・買い物をする、やめる
・好きなものを食事のメニューに加える、加えない
4. 契約書を読み上げて親子でサインをする
解決案、ごほうび、ペナルティをきめたら、それを紙に書いて”契約書”を作成します。
契約書ができたら、親が全文を声に出して読んで確認しましょう。
そして、親と子どもの両方がサインをしましょう。
5. 日々目に入る場所に契約書を貼る
契約書ができたら、日々目に入る場所に契約書を貼ってください。
トイレの壁、冷蔵庫、玄関のドアの内側、などが有効です。
対応ステップ④ じょじょに問題の難易度を上げていく
最初の簡単な契約が達成され続けたら、じょじょに難易度をあげていきましょう。
・起床時間などの生活習慣に関するもの
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・毎日1時間の勉強といった学習に関するもの
・午後から登校といった学校に関するもの
の順に難易度が上がっていきます。焦らず、子どもの様子を見ながらゆっくり難易度をあげてください。
最後に
これを続けていくと約束だらけになってしまうので、解決策が定着したと思ったら、引き続き続けるよう伝えつつ、ごほうびとペナルティは解除してください。
人間、一度にたくさんの新しい習慣を身につけるのは困難です。
一つの契約が順調に達成されたら、それに関するごほうびとペナルティは解除し、新たな契約を作ってください。
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