こんにちは。ゆーくろっくの土井です。
9月は不登校の子供が増えやすい時期と言われています。
実際に9月に入り、ゆーくろっくでもお子さんの不登校に悩む親御さんからの相談が増えてきています。
お子さまの急な不登校に対し戸惑い、どうしてよいかわからないというご相談が多いように感じます。
「なんとしてでも、早く学校に行かせなければいけない」
という焦りと危機感を感じ、親御さん自身が非常に苦しんでおられる姿もたくさん見受けれらます。
焦っても状況が解決するわけではない
お子様が不登校になり、まず思われるのが、
「このまま不登校が続くと我が子の将来は一体どうなってしまうのだろうか・・・？」
ということではないでしょうか？
自分自身はもちろん、周りに不登校を経験した人がいない場合、不登校の進路について情報がまったくなく、漠然とした不安感に襲われるのはとても自然なことです。
「早くなんとかしなければ」
そう思って必死になるものの、子供は思うように動いてくれない。一体どうすれば・・・
私も今になってこのような親の気持ちがわかるようになってきました。
お子様を思うが故の行動であり、ある意味自然とも言える行動だと思います。
しかし、焦っても状況が改善するわけではありません。
残念ながら、むしろ逆効果になってしまうことが多いのです。
不登校を認めることが初めの一歩
多くの方は不登校を改善するためには、不登校を認めず、できるだけ早く学校に行かせるよう工夫することが必要だ、
と思われているのではないかと思います。
しかし、意外にも不登校を認めることが不登校改善に向けて大きな一歩である、と自身の経験や多くの不登校経験者の話を聞く中で感じています。
「不登校を認める」
とは決して学校に行かなくてもよいと捉えることではありません。そうではなく、現状として学校に行けないことを否定せず、事実として捉えて、その上で改めてこれからどう歩んでいくのかを考えるということです。
不登校の子の多くは、怠けて「行きたくない」のではなく、がんばっても「行けない」のです。
がんばっても、できないことを無理やり同じやり方で何度やらせようとしてもうまくいかないばかりか、本人の自信を奪ってしまうこともあります。
スポーツでも勉強でもできないことをできるようにするためには現状を把握したうえで、段階的に目標を設定し、レベルアップしていくことが必要です。
例えば大学受験に合格することが目標だとしても、高1の教科書レベルの問題が解けないのであれば、いきなり受験問題を解かせるようなことはしないでしょう。まずは高1の教科書レベルから、高2、高3、そしていよいよ目標である受験レベルという流れになるのが自然です。レベルに合わないことをさせても、結果につながらず、むしろ勉強自体を嫌いになる可能性もあります。
これは不登校でも同じです。
「不登校を認める」とは現状を把握したうえで、目標に向かっていま何が必要かを考えるということです。
「できる」の積み重ねが次の一歩につながる
「不登校を認める」ことの良いことは、日々前進していることが感じられることです。
「学校に行く」ことが唯一の目標である場合、なかなかその目標を達成することができず、親も子も日々失敗体験を経験することになります。失敗体験ばかりだとどうしても苦しく辛い日々になってしまいます。
しかし、不登校を受け入れた場合の目標設定は今がんばればできる範囲のものなので、達成できることが多く、大きな目標に近づいているという日々の実感を持つことができます。
そしてこういった小さな積み重ねが自信を生み、次の目標、さらに次の目標と進んでいき、最終的に大きな目標達成に繋がるのです。
従って、「不登校を認める」ことが結果的に不登校を改善することにつながっていくのです。
最後に
「不登校を認める」ということは、頭ではわかっていても実践するこは簡単ではないと思います。
本当にそうなのか、特別な例なだけではないのか？と思われるのも最もだと思います。
そんな時には、より多くの不登校経験者の生の声を聞くのがオススメです。
不登校経験者の話には共通点が多く、参考になるものが多いです。
（参考：不登校経験者の話）
この不登校対応サポートブログでも不登校経験者の本を紹介していますので、ご参考ください。
（参考：不登校のおすすめ本）
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