子どもが不登校になった時にどう対応すればよいのかは、親であれば誰もが悩むものです。
いつもは、我々カウンセラーがお悩みを聞き、そういった対応についてアドバイスさせて頂いておりますが、今日は不登校経験者の方々の声を届けたいと思います。
ゆーくろっくにはサポートしてくださる不登校経験者の方々がたくさんいるので、「自分が不登校になった時の、周囲のよくなかった対応、よかった対応」を彼らに聞いてみました。
不登校の時の周囲のよくなかった対応
- 親が「いつ登校するのか？」「学校に行く気がなければ別の道を」などと頻繁に詰問してきた
- 不登校の原因を「思い通りにならない親への腹いせに休んでいる」と親に誤解された
- 神経科クリニックで睡眠薬を処方され、カウンセラーは「今週何日出席したか」「睡眠薬は飲んでいたか」「睡眠薬で生活を正して毎日登校を」という話しかしなかった
- 親の知り合いに呼び出され、説教された
- クラスメイトから「なんで学校に来れないの？」と何度も聞かれた。
- 学校の先生から学校に来るように説得された
不登校の時の周囲のよかった対応
- 親が「情操が豊かになれば」と子犬をもらってきて、家で飼い始めた
- 親に夏休み子どもキャンプのスタッフをさせられて、キャンプに行った
- 先生と交換ノートをし、その中で先生が「進級できるかどうかよりも、君自身がどう生きるかのほうが大切」と何度も伝えてくれた
- クラスメイトが励ましてくれたり、連絡をくれたり、一緒に遊んでくれたりした
- 先生が学校を休んでいるのにやめたくないという私を強く弁護し、留年を実現させてくれた
- 大学生の家庭教師をつけてくれて、勉強を教えてもらうだけでなく、いろんなことを相談したり、大学の話を聞くことができた
- 親ができないことを叱るのではなく、できることをほめてくれるようになった。学校に行ってなくても、がんばってることや熱中していることをほめてくれるようになった
不登校におけるよい対応とよくない対応の違いとは
不登校におけるよい対応を見ると、不思議な印象を受けます。それは、不登校に関係のない一般的なものばかりだからです。
犬を飼うと動物とふれあう楽しさに恵まれ、素敵な思い出がいっぱいできるので、不登校生でなくてもいい影響が与えられるはずです。自然の中で小学生やスタッフと共同生活をし、ボランティアをすることも、不登校に関係なく大きな学びと感動があります。
先生と濃密な対話をすること、友達と支え合うことも、不登校でなくても誰がやってもいい経験になるでしょう。
逆によくない対応は、学校に復帰させるだけが目的であり、不登校生限定の対応ばかりになっています。
よい対応が、登校させるためという本来の目的以外にも良い意味があることと比べると、その違いは明らかです。
だから、「登校させるため」という本来の目的を実現するには至らなくても、本人の人生にとって財産になるのであれば、それはそれですばらしい対応だと思います。
したがって家族は、特別なことを考えずにふつうに家庭の幸せを追求していれば、自ずとそういう対応ができるようになるはずです。
最後に
「自分の対応が間違っていたらどうしよう？」
「この対応で本当にいいのか？」
親御さんの相談を受ける中で、このような不安はよくお聞きしますし、みなさんも同じ気持ちになることがあるかもしれません。
ただ、不登校経験者のお話を聞いていると、よかった対応だけをしてもらえた人は一人もいないのです。つまり、不登校を乗り越えた子どもの親御さんも、みんな失敗と試行錯誤を繰り返しているのです。
だから、不登校の子どもへの対応は、全体としてプラスになっていればよいと思いませんか？
「適切な対応、成功した対応」が「不適切な対応、失敗した対応」よりも大きな影響を与えられたら、それでよいのです。
思いついた対応が本当にいいものかどうかを考えるのも大事ですが、まずは一度やってみて良くなければやめて、別の方法を考えればいいだけなんです。そんな気持ちで子どもを支えてあげてください。
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