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完璧主義が不登校を引き起こす ~いいかげん主義のススメ~

夏休みも残りわずかとなり、ゆーくろっくへの相談も少しずつ増えてまいりました。


「今の時期に何か心掛けた方がいいですか」という質問を最近よく受けるので、今日は「完璧主義が不登校を引きおこす ~いいかげん主義のススメ」というテーマでお話ししたいと思います。


不登校の子どもの中には、まちがえることを恐れるために学校に行くことが難しい子どもがいます。


完璧主義というと大げさですが、


「テスト勉強があまりできてないからテストを受けたくない」

「足がおそいから50m走の測定がある日は行きたくない」

「できなかった問題があるから、宿題を提出したくない」


というような気持ちから学校を休んでしまい、次第に不登校になることが多くあります。

もともと完璧主義じゃなくてもそうなる時がある

完璧主義と言われるとピンとこないことも多いと思いますが、プライドが高い子どもや、人の見た目や評価を気にする子どもは、恥ずかしさを感じる可能性がある場面で完璧主義のようになってしまいます。


また、こういった特徴は思春期には共通する傾向でもあるので、本来は大らかな性格でも、思春期の時期にある特定の状況に関しては完璧であることにこだわってしまうというのはよくあることなのです。


テストの点が悪い時に、自分からはテストを見せないというのはよくありますよね。


なので、子どもがすべての面において完璧主義でなくとも、上記の内容が少しでも当てはまっていて学校を休みがちであるならば、以下の内容を読んで親としてできる対策はしてあげてほしいです。

子どもが不登校の時の”いいかげん主義”のススメ

毎日元気に学校に行っているのであれば、いわゆる「勉強しなさい」というような厳しい言葉や指摘を伴うしつけも有効ですが、学校を休みがちなのであれば、目標を一つ下げてあげるべきです。


宿題ができていないから学校に行きたくないと言われたら、「できた分だけ提出して謝って、残りはいつまでにやるかをちゃんと先生に言ったら大丈夫だよ。」と言ってあげる。


テスト勉強ができていないから学校に行きたくないと言われたら、「間違えたり成績が落ちることは誰にでもあるから、1,2回テストの点が悪いくらいじゃお母さん怒らないよ」と言ってあげる。


つまり、子どもに完璧じゃなくていいから行きなよと言ってあげるには、親自身が”いいかげん”になる必要があるのです。


お子さまが学校を休みがちなことや不登校でお悩みなら、まずは自分が”いいかげん”になり、子どもの失敗やダメな部分も寛容に受け入れてあげてください。


過剰に完璧主義にとらわれている子どもには、親が自分の失敗談を話すのもすごく有効です。

最後に

夏休みもあと少しとなりました。


不登校が最も増えるのは9月であるという統計結果も明確に出ており、9月の初日及び最初の一週間に行けるかどうかというのはとても重要になってきます。(文科省の不登校時期に関する調査


夏休み明けの初日、子どもが学校に行けるかどうか不安だと思ったら、夏休みの宿題の提出については親がいいかげん主義でいてあげてるほうが良い結果を生むでしょう。


休み明けに学校に行くゆううつを乗り切る対策は、こちらの記事でも紹介しています。


ぜひ、読んでみてください。

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